I’m sitting in front of my computer on a Sunday evening as anxiety is starting to build in my entire body. I am behind on my tasks for the week as I am scanning my Todoist app and cross referencing my Notion template for weekly goals I have set for myself, some of which are in yellow and red.
Hmm… I did in fact do a great job with the 4 gym sessions this week, I did my morning routine 5 of 7 days, I clocked in 45 hours for my 9-5 job..
Still, I have to review my Spanish Vocabulary Cards, rehearse my latin dance moves and my side hustle is falling behind. I was supposed to put in 25 hours on a new idea in AI I had but I was only able to put in 15. Damn, I am falling behind on my expected goals again…
Every second is meant to be optimized & tracked so I can have the perfect amount of fun, income, time with friends & family, being intellectual, being fit, but also interesting… Oh, also I should be relaxed with 8 hours of sleep per night and have a personal brand because that’s what smart people say on podcasts.
I am doing all these things that I want to but why does it all feel so empty and draining? People talk about how most people’s 9-5 is a corporate rat race worth quitting, but I believe many of us who are fortunate enough to worry about our first world problems created a more nuanced and modern 24-7-365 rat race of optimization and productivity, where not just my job has to be perfect, but everything does.
I feel that I am becoming the 21st century tech bro version of Christian Bale in American Psycho. But with skinny fit jeans, minimalist t-shirt and less defined abs
Don’t be like I used to be, hanging on every word of my heroes like Tim Ferriss and (...insert your personal development idol here), while trying to optimize everything in pursuit of some imaginary version of myself that I created based on a compilation of 1,000 people that are experts in their niche or 2.
Hedonistic adaptation to that big increase in income, that massive follower count or the acquisition of a new skill like Spanish, is a tendency that none of us can run away from no matter which way we run. It’s programmed into us. The question becomes: how do we deal with it?
I have been doing productivity and self development for over 10 years now & I don’t expect you to listen to me over Tony Robbins, but the nice thing about getting older is I care less about people’s opinions and maybe as a result that productivity mirage is starting to clear up.
To prioritize the enjoyment of the process of life where 95% of our lives are spent, and not just the 5% of the destination, I do stick to one principle now which keeps me sane:
Simplicity (which can also be summarized in this meme)
I used to belabor myself with todo lists, fancy spreadsheets and templates tracking every part of my life. I would quit many of them, try to alter them, wondering what’s wrong with me for not sticking to a perfectly regimented routine. After many years, I came to realize that these tools provide infinite possibilities and inputs to tasks, but our time in a week is finite. So instead of hating myself, I just got rid of most of them and life became a lot easier.
Don’t worry about me, I still track progress in a few areas of my life, and I schedule important things on my finite calendar. But for everything else - if it doesn’t fit in my schedule, then it’s not a priority and it can be done later, or never.
I reverted from fancy tools to mostly Apple Notes and a Google Calendar like that OG meme says.
And I focus on one new skill at a time as I am more patient and empathetic with myself. Right now I am enjoying the process of writing. And yes some freaks out there can supposedly get from 0 to intermediate Spanish in 3 months (or insert your desired skill/hobby here), but if it takes you 2-4x the amount of time like it took me because you have other priorities, that’s still a great achievement.
I try to stay off most social media as my reptile brain can’t help itself but try to compare myself to others and add on to that imaginary future self that I am chasing.
That imaginary future self that I have created based on the Tim Ferriss’s, Alex Hormozi and Tony Robbins's of the world, I have been burying that self over the last 2-3 years. I am grateful for my relentless pace as it served me well to get out of the unhappy and joyless life that I had before.
But now I am on a journey to carve out my own path that myself and those that I love can hopefully be proud of.
I hope your journey leads you to achieve all the goals that you want while you find your own authentic rhythm, away from the relentless pace of modern expectations.
PS. Thank you to
Diana Demco and from Write of Passage Cohort 11 for your feedback on this essay
Great essay, Andriy!